No more SIGH!!!

I'm tired..
Both physically and mentally..
I feel that life is miserable..
Life is full of temptations and trials..
I tried.. I tried hardly..
trying not to get angry to anyone..
trying to forgive and forget..
trying to love people around me..
But, I can feel that the more I try,
the more the devils around me pulling me away..

Sigh..
I try not to sigh anymore..
but I have no choice now..
I'm totally exhausted..
I learnt to give thanks..
I was freezing until I hate winter..
and he came to me and said, "Give thanks.."
As I complained about my timetable,
and she came to me and said, "Why sigh?"
Thus, I learnt to give thanks as I know everything comes with its own purpose.

Till now,
I still remember about the topic of "Control your tongue" eventhough I missed that bible study.
I learnt and practised it.
Trying not to hurt anyone..
But I knew that I'm hurting myself..
I always get hurt from someone else..
And I know the reason,
it's just because of my weak heart..
easily hurt by any simple words or actions..
Grrrrr....
Anyway, I'll pray for them..
Hoping that we can control our tongues together..
Hoping that we can put ourselves into the shoe before we speak out anything..

I was blur today..
I didn't sleep well last night..
lots of nightmares,
probably that's the reason why I was blur today..
I was worrying something..
my spiritual growth, my placement, my study, and my friends..
worrying, thinking, praying and planning..
Again, where should I go for my placement?
I need a place where I can continue to grow spiritually..
Maybe nobody understands my worries..
I got shots while I was worrying..
the hurt was deep indeed..
and I shouldn't scold back..
I realized that I was wrong..
the feel of guiltiness suddenly covered my heart..
That's not me!!!!!
That's DEVIL!!!!!
NOT ME!!!

"He who angers you conquers you." ~Elizabeth Kenny

No!!! I'm not angry.. I'm just sad and disappointed!
God will not forsake me!
God will be with me and conquers the devils!

I personally clearly know that I'm not a person who would like to argue or fight back with another person -- 我是個痛也不會說出口的人!
I'm sorry..
Internally, the heart was bleeding..
Externally, the tears were controlled from rolling down..
I couldn't concentrate in the lectures..
I felt un-respected..
Besides, I was having a talk regarding christianity,
and someone just shouting at my friend, "Why are you non-stop talking?"
Devil: "She looks like lecturing her"..
Angel: "Yes..because she want to know about it.."
I can see the devils around me when I wish to come to God..

Positively thinking,
God is strengthening my heart.
God is upgrading my courages..
Thank you Lord.
You are moulding me into a better & tougher Yvonne.

Jesus, I really need you..
I need you, Lord!!!

Yvonne
4th August 2008
5.24 pm